KESHENA, Wis.—Jan RedCloud feels lucky to have survived an abusive relationship.
When she got to work one day, she learned that an angry man looking for her had just left. He was her boyfriend. When she got home that night, she received a menacing phone call from him.
"He told me I was lucky I wasn't there," RedCloud said. "He said he was going to shoot me and then himself."
Yvonne Waukau suffered verbal and emotional abuse in her first marriage.
"I thought domestic violence was being beat on," she said. "I didn't even know I was being abused. I think that's worse because you can't see the scars."
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RedCloud and Waukau shared their experiences at a candlelight vigil for domestic violence awareness at the Keshena pavilion Oct. 19. The event was sponsored by the Menominee Nation's Maehnowesekiyah Wellness Center.
RedCloud is a domestic violence counselor at the Stockbridge-Munsee tribal Family Services Program, and Waukau is a Maehnowesekiyah domestic violence shelter assistant. The vigil was part of a nationwide campaign to celebrate domestic violence awareness month.
RedCloud and Waukau told about 20 vigil participants that their experiences with domestic violence left them scarred but determined to help other sufferers.
"I wanted to let you know how lucky you are," Waukau said. "You're so lucky you have a shelter on your reservation. There's help available when you need it. You don't have to live under conditions where you're abused, whether it's verbal or physical."
Taboo Subject
Domestic violence has long been a taboo subject, confined to the walls of the family home. But personal accounts by victims such as RedCloud and Waukau have helped to raise awareness of the problem and to encourage others to seek help, said Carol Wautlet, domestic violence program manager at Maehnowesekiyah.
"It's only through survivors who come forward that let people know that there's help and [it] does work," said Wautlet, who added that "part of this [candlelight] observance is ... also to remember the victims who have passed on and to support the victims who are still struggling."
Wautlet said the flickering candlelight flame symbolizes the struggles of the victims of domestic violence.
"We see them in the community, and they're happy and smiling and we think things are fine," Wautlet said. "But the minute they go back home, they're going to be struggling to stay lit and sometimes, unfortunately, some of those candles go out, and that symbolizes those victims that are killed."
But, Wautlet added, awareness programs such as the candlelight vigil and treatment services at Maehnowesekiyah offer hope to everyone affected by domestic violence.
Treatment is not only for domestic violence victims. Abusers also must be treated to stop the cycle of violence.
Jeff Langlois, who works with domestic violence perpetrators at Maehnowesekiyah, is the only certified batterers facilitator in the area.
"A lot of men start off and really question what they're learning," he said. "It's a new thing, a new belief, a new attitude about relationships."
Langlois said many men in the batterers' program struggle with its concepts and often with alcohol and drug abuse.
"We can see those individuals in the core system over and over again," he said. "Sometimes, it's maybe their 10th time, and it's unfortunate because they've really torn up a lot of people in their lives. But we never give up on them."
The evening concluded with a candlelight procession to the banks of the Wolf River to offer flowers in remembrance of the victims.
"The flowers, like the candlelight, symbolize the victims of domestic violence," Wautlet said. "They're floating down the river, they don't know where they're going to end up and they're tossed around in the water.
"The people in our program don't know where they're going to end up. But you never know what you'll say or do that might end up helping them."
This story was published originally by the Menominee Nation News and is used with permission.