By Cynthia Lee

Before I had actually started this series of blogs, I had a discussion with Jason Begay (the Reznet website’s director) about what it is I wanted to write about and so on. At first I wasn’t sure coming into this, what I wanted to be my main focus. So, far I’ve touched on more personal topics; coming out and fears about how my ‘lifestyle’ will affect my future. After being asked, “Who is it you’re trying to reach?” I thought, “I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m just ranting about these subjects,” because that’s not what I’m trying to do at all.

In one of my discussions with Jason I told him that I have family and friends that come to me, when they have questions about their sexuality. With that, I’m putting my personal experiences out there for people to think about because I truly believe at some point if it’s not you personally having these questions about your sexuality; it’s your child, your best friend, etc. A person coming out used to be not so common, but now it seems that kids are discovering what their sexuality is a lot sooner than previous generations.

For myself growing up, I didn’t have someone to go to for the mixed feelings that had until I got involved with my first girlfriend. I’ve always had my parents behind me in every aspect of my life, so keeping that secret from them was the hardest thing for me to do because I was looking for someone to tell me that what I was doing wasn’t “wrong” and that it wasn’t happening by “choice.”

Those who may come across these blogs and don’t have someone to tell them what their feeling, what their doing, isn’t wrong, these are for you. These are also for the people who may try to gain some understanding from this perspective. I want others to see that this isn’t a “lifestyle choice.” A person when trying to deal with those feelings and live a second life, where who they like/love doesn’t matter, is very conflicting.

Growing up and getting comfortable in your own skin, is what you’re going through. When someone comes to me and tells me, they think they are gay or bi, I’m sure to tell them that if that is the case it isn’t wrong. Its tough enough dealing with those feelings, and even worse when a person ‘needs’ to keep it a secret. But as you get more comfortable telling people closest to you; you realize that you will have more support than you think. Yes, there will be people that will tell you it is wrong or a sin, but some come around. The others who find it in their heart to hate, those people are not worth your time. I have so much pride in the person I am as an entirety, for some people that may seem scary because they worry about the dangers. My parents, my traditions, my experiences have brought me to where I am and after going through those experiences I’ve come across, there’s a lot more to be worried about than people knowing I’m gay.

Cynthia Lee is a student at the University of New Mexico-Gallup